When I was originally planning this article, I intended to discuss writers and activists with powerful voices and how their words stay with us. The more I thought about it, I decided words belong to everyone and we use them whether we choose to read them.
This article is for everyone who has ever written, spoken, or signed a word.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me.”
This was a popular saying when I was a kid. My mother would say it whenever my brother or sister or I tattled on each other for name calling. We would say it when we got into an argument with a friend or classmate. It was handy if a bully decided to make fun of us.
Here’s another saying from my youth.
“I am rubber, you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.”
When we said these things, we thought we were being so cool, but it never took the sting away from the insult hurled our way.
Now that I’m an adult, I realize these statements are wrong on so many levels. Words have power, and we can’t completely take their power away by ignoring them.
Using hateful words to label someone as less than because of the color of their skin, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, religion, physical challenges, developmental challenges, or socio-economic status plants dangerous seeds.
It tells that person they aren’t enough or there is something wrong with them that’s somehow unacceptable. They are unacceptable. It also tells them it’s acceptable to judge other people by circumstances beyond their control. Will they begin to look for people to judge, so they too can feel superior, or will they constantly look for ways they are unacceptable? Do the people hurling insults need to hurl more to maintain their feelings of superiority? Are they enough if they can’t take something away from someone else?
Where does it all end?
I’m ashamed to admit I’ve indulged in name-calling. I’ve also shed tears because someone made me feel less than. I like to think I’m past that, but when I hear certain words, it all comes back, and I fear I am not enough.
Maybe that’s why I became a writer. I can tell stories about people that go beyond their physical appearances or their bank accounts. I can use my words for good, even if I sometimes need to call others out because they don’t.
Some of the best words are simple phrases, “I love you,” “You’re right,” “I need you,” “I respect and value you,” “you’re hired,” and “no evidence of disease.” Those are tough words to top. Being told you’re a beautiful person and a good friend also rank pretty high on the list.”
The modern English alphabet contains 26 letters and 40 sounds we must arrange to convey everything we want or need to write or say. A quick look at a dictionary reveals just how clever we’ve become at arranging these sounds and letters. New words are being added every year. It’s the same for other languages because people want and need to communicate. American Sign Language (ASL) is based on 26 manual letters for fingerspelling, but also uses hand symbols to convey whole words.
We tell small children to “use their words” instead of lashing out when they become frustrated or upset. That’s a valuable lesson, but do we go far enough?
Children and adults need to use words to express their emotions, but we must also be willing to listen. We must listen to what we are saying and figure out why we’re angry, upset, or hurt and we must listen to others. Words spoken in anger, cruel words uttered to make us seem cool or funny can’t be taken back, but we can acknowledge why they were said and why saying them was wrong. We can build on this understanding instead of feeding the anger or the hate.
We also need to learn, and teach our children, to use words to uplift and strengthen each other. Think how wonderful it feels when someone, even a stranger, gives you a sincere compliment. I think about it all day and it always makes me smile. Compliments weren’t freely handed out when I was growing up. No one was supposed to get too ”full of themselves.” I have a lot of smiles to make up for, so feel free to throw a compliment my way at any time.