What is Romantic?

To me, romantic gestures have always focused on the little things… intimate gestures you and your partner will recognize and appreciate. It may be a look or a caress. Perhaps you’re playing the first song you ever danced to or recreating your first date or your best date. Maybe you slip them a little love note, give them a hug and kiss, or ask them about their day. Whatever you do, be present and make sure they know you’re interested in being with them and having them be present with you. Communication is one of the most romantic ways to show someone they matter. Listen and converse.

While I was researching answers to the question, what is romantic, I came across a recurring theme that I find troublesome. It seems “big gestures” are on many so-called relationship experts’ lists. They’re suggesting you surprise your partner with lavish dinners, expensive gifts, weekend getaways, and dream vacations. “If you see something you know your partner wants, buy it for them,” is a recurring suggestion. Instead of bringing a single rose, they’re suggesting you fill an entire room with flowers.

Unless you are quite well to do, consistently showing your love through big gestures is eventually going to become cost prohibitive and create stress in your relationship. What do you do the next time? How do you top something over the top? How can you afford to keep going big?

Big gestures can be romantic, but if your partner consistently has no input about how you spend time as a couple, what and where you eat, where you go, or how you allocate funds are they going to be happy? Are they going to appreciate your thoughtfulness, or will it become expected?

What if you rub your partner’s back every night, and they just fall asleep without ever reciprocating? What if they begin to think it’s part of your job description as their partner? It’s easy to become selfish when you’re getting everything you want. But, is it okay to do something for your partner only so they will do something for you?

When you do something romantic, are you expecting something in return? This is a tough question to answer. Romance is typically the reward for being romantic. What are we expecting from our partner? Do we want sex, or do we want intimacy? To many people, sex and intimacy are interchangeable, but they aren’t always the same thing. Should couples keep score?

We certainly want our romantic gestures to be reciprocated at some point, but what if they aren’t?

This is why communication is so important. There will be times when either or both of you are tired, stressed, or feeling unattractive. There will be times when you need to give 60 or 65% to the relationship, and times when you are only capable of 30 or 35%. When you are both at 30%, its time to come together and find that missing 40%. You’ll find it by communicating. Listen and converse. Be forgiving and be appreciative of what you and your partner have. Even if it’s not perfect, it can be perfect for the situation, and trust me, nothing is more romantic that that.