My daughter says I have a unique connection to paper, and she is correct. This relationship has become a tad toxic and overwhelming. I cannot seem to balance my affinity for the written word with my desire to be a neat person. I do intercept the mail each day, recycling (after I’ve read the junk mail) and shredding the identifying info on the rest of it. Financial things are filed in the file cabinet and coupons are in the coupon box.
My inbox has become available horizontal surfaces—the tops of two tables, two desks, and a dresser. In a panic, I admit bagging the assortment and tucking it away until I can go through it piece by piece. I imagine this is how hoarding starts. Other times I place a certain paper in a ‘special’ place. Somehow it is never there when I need it.
No one I live with believes I am trying to keep track of all the papers, but that is simply not true. I have a lockbox for legal documents and recently I created a special box for the important stuff: a piece of paper someone will ask me to produce at a moment’s notice. The special box is very full. The root of this predicament could stem from my years working as a Librarian—before computers. Pictures, maps, and articles had to be maintained in huge ‘vertical’ files. Newspaper clippings were a big part of that. Sadly, I no longer have newspapers delivered…we all recognize that the papers would be moved around, perused, cut up, and redistributed. I find articles that I feel certain would fascinate others. I may read them aloud to the captive audience in my household; other clippings I mail to lucky recipients. I stop and ponder the fact that no one returns the favor. They skim and toss with no regard for the writer.
I have more than enough to attend a community shredding event, but that would be downright painful and a rejection of writers everywhere. So, I will continue down this papery path until that fateful day when my memorial includes a towering bonfire!
Lilly Kauffman is a non-fiction writer who was privileged to work as both librarian and a teacher. Her essays, whether serious or humorous, capture the experiences that allow us to laugh and grieve. Family and faith inform her writings. She is currently working on several book projects: A Mother Grieves in Ink, Ampersand, and Lil Letters.