For Banned Books Month I decided to review a book that talks about one of society’s most taboo subjects, sexual abuse. Linda Lee Blakemore's memoir, Entrenched: A Memoir of Holding on and Letting Go. , is a must-read for anyone trying to understand the trials faced by children who have been sexually abused and adults who were sexually abused as children.
Blakemore repressed memories of sexual and emotional abuse by her uncle in order to survive. When the memories came crashing back, she was forced to re-examine everything she thought she knew about herself.
After becoming a volunteer at Pittsburgh Child Advocacy, and hearing the stories of other survivors, she decided to write Kids Helping Kids: Break the Silence of Sexual Abuse. It tells the true stories of fifteen child survivors of sexual abuse. Volunteering helped Blakemore to better understand her own situation, and she learned how to successfully advocate for and educate women and children everywhere.
The decision to write a memoir and tell her own story was not an easy one.
What impresses me most about her memoir is her honesty. Blakemore could have easily made excuses for her behaviors and the mistakes she made that hurt other people, but she didn't. Instead, she did the heavy lifting to examine what was causing her behavior.
Abusers often spend years grooming their young victims to accept this abuse disguised as love. They prey upon vulnerable children who are anxious for approval and attention.
These young victims are robbed of their innocence and their childhoods and thrust into an adult world of feelings and emotions they aren't ready to understand.
Abusers silence these children with threats. “I’ll tell them it was you and I said, no. Who do you think they’ll believe a child or a responsible adult? Your parents won’t like you anymore.”
Afraid to tell and unable to handle what was happening, Blakemore repressed her memories of the abuse. She grew up with a feeling of shame she couldn't define or explain. Her coping mechanism became perfection. If she could be perfect, she could control her environment, but the harder she tried, the emptier her successes became.
She grew up, started a successful career, got married and started a family. Still, something was missing. Nothing was ever enough. These feelings she couldn’t identify thwarted her adult relationships and left her yearning for acceptance and validation from older men.
Blakemore started a relationship with an older successful married man that almost destroyed her marriage and ended with her being sexually assaulted when she tried to end the affair.
When her husband forgave her, she was determined to make their marriage work, but eventually Blakemore once again found herself attracted to an older, successful, married man. The affair ended two marriages.
Shortly before her second marriage, the memories of her abuse resurfaced and Blakemore began her journey of healing, but healing proved elusive. After her second marriage, she became the victim of emotional abuse by her spouse who withheld affection and repeatedly left her for long periods of time threatening her with divorce.
In her memoir, Blakemore charts her journey of self-awareness and the difficult decisions she had to make about what/who to hold on to and when to let go.
Once she understood why she sabotaged her healthiest relationships in favor of ones that left her feeling unworthy and "never enough," she could finally begin to heal and help others to heal.
Reading this memoir, made me feel as if I were taking this journey with her. I cried, scolded, and cheered for her. I learned about dealing with the uncontrollable forces that motivate our life choices. We all have the strength to handle adversity and reclaim our lives if we are brave enough to look into our own hearts.