She wore the green sweater. The one she found at the thrift store with the tags still on. The one her mother tried to discourage her from buying. “Bigger girls like us do better with beiges, dark browns, and black,” she said. “Much more slimming.” Reluctantly she’d put it back. But when she walked by the next day, she couldn’t resist going in. Still there! It was calling out to her, and despite all her mother’s well-intentioned advice, she bought it.
For over a month, it stayed hidden in her dresser drawer while she walked, exercised in her room, and circumvented her family’s meat and potatoes, heavy on dessert, salad is for rabbits, diet. She was ten pounds lighter, and it was a start.
When she put it on, she wasn’t immediately thin and gorgeous, but the color seemed to bring out the traces of auburn in her brown hair and eyes. She felt like someone could notice her, but that was scary. The chubby girl exposed and open to attack. The memory of tears shed over unkind remarks. Always dressing to blend in and hide. But she was tired of hiding.
Today was the first day of the new semester at community college. Most of her friends were off at four-year schools, living in the dorms and having fun. She would’ve liked to be with them studying to become a teacher… elementary school maybe kindergarten or first through third grade. She loved kids and she enjoyed helping her nieces and nephews learn their letters, colors, numbers, and shapes. She wanted every kid to know there were colors out there for them beyond beiges, browns, and blacks. But Papa would only pay for her to learn something that would help the family business. She was needed to do the accounts and help her mother schedule service appointments and order supplies with the new computer software.
Papa was a plumber. Her mother worked in the office and her brothers were plumbers. Everyone was expected to work in the family business. She was supposed to live at home until she married someone who would join the family business, Merchant and Sons Plumbing. He would be an honorary son. They would come to family dinners and eat pot roast with buttery potatoes and big slices of pie or cake with ice cream. She would have two children. Her brothers each had two children. It was all carefully planned by her parents and all she had to do was follow the plan. It was safe. It was easy.
Looking back at her from the mirror above the dresser in her bedroom, she saw a glimpse of a woman with another future. Not a daughter first and foremost, but a person with choices and plans that didn’t always include blending in.
Campus was a brisk fifteen-minute walk from her house. The temperatures were cold, but it hadn’t snowed for a few days. She walked with her colorful surprise hidden beneath her brown wool jacket. Was this how a flower felt before it bloomed?
The lecture hall wasn’t crowded yet. She saw David, her secret high school crush taking off his coat. When he saw her, he waved and motioned her over. “Hi,” he said. “It’s nice to see a familiar face. Let me help you with your coat.”
She smiled, shy and a bit nervous. The coat slid smoothly off her shoulders exposing the green sweater. She held her breath. “That’s a great color on you. Reminds me of spring. Should we grab a couple seats near the front? I hear Professor Najima hates it when you sit in the back. You should wear green more often. It suits you.”
“Thanks.” She smiled and felt an enormous sense of relief. There was no need to hide. Maybe there never was. David saw her and for today that was enough. It was a start.