At our meeting to discuss topics for the December issue, Lilly suggested an article about holiday letters. Do we love them? Do we hate them? Do we write them? What’s the cutest thing someone has included and what’s the most inappropriate detail that’s been sent to brighten our holidays?

Her idea got me thinking about including different kinds of holiday letters in this article after I read Letters from Father Christmas by J.R.R. Tolkien. Tolkien began writing letters to his eldest son, John in 1920. As the years progressed, and his family grew, he wrote Christmas letters from Father Christmas to all his children in answer to their letters to him. He wrote in a shaky hand disguising his penmanship and he included intricate drawings of life at the North Pole. He invented Polar Bear, Father Christmas’ trusty helper who often was more mischievous than helpful.

The letters span from Christmas 1920 until Christmas 1943 and take us through the Great Depression and the Second World War. The letters are funny, touching, and a wonderful history lesson for all who read them. How do you talk to your kids about people in crisis and war? How do you explain why there won’t be as many gifts under the tree while making them aware some children will need gifts of food more than toys? The letters were painstakingly preserved by the family and have been edited by Baillie Tolkien the second wife of Tolkien’s son Christopher. I recommend this book to everyone who celebrates the Christmas holidays.

I still have some of the letters my sons wrote to Santa and the letters I left thanking them for the milk and cookies left for Santa and the carrots for the reindeer. If you celebrate Christmas, do you still have any of these letters?

I also have a few of the Holiday newsletters we have received throughout the years from family and friends. I have a friend who writes a January newsletter to tell everyone about their holidays and to brighten up an otherwise disappointing month of broken resolutions and frosty temperatures.

Some holiday newsletters are happy… 4.0’s, job promotions, dream vacations, and perfect anniversary gifts. Others are filled with heartache about the passing of loved ones, divorces, or being made redundant right before the holidays.

As nice as it is to receive a chatty letter filled with the latest news, there’s a fine line between sharing what’s new and oversharing.

Some people have a gift for sharing all the right things. Others overshare. Do I really need to know your child beat out 4,576 other candidates for a prestigious fellowship or would I be okay just hearing about the fellowship? I’m not squeamish and I’m glad your partner received treatment for a serious medical condition, but do I really need to know all the details of their hemorrhoid surgery? Yes, I suppose the photo of the rubber donut they will be sitting on for the next few weeks is a little bit funny, but only if they think so. Please don’t share private things without permission. Sometimes laughter is the best medicine, but only if we all get the same dose.

I love seeing family photos, especially children and pets. I don’t need to hear about or see the size of the diamond in the engagement ring your son proposed with or the ring your daughter received. I also don’t need to know the price of the sportscar you bought for your boo just because or how much you paid for the imported tiles in your new ensuite bathroom. We all like to think our friends would never show off like that, but…

Do we have to keep our good news to ourselves? Of course not. Our friends and family should enjoy hearing about our successes. They should also have the opportunity to be there for us in times of sadness and loss, but I wonder if a group newsletter is the best way to share these highs and lows.

Expressing gratitude for the blessings we have received and remembering something special and happy about a lost loved one can be therapeutic for you and your family/friends. If you aren’t sure what to write, do a sample letter and mail it to yourself exactly as you intend to send it to others. When the letter arrives, open it, and read it like it was from someone else. How does the letter make you feel? Is it sad, petty, boastful, self-absorbed, or insensitive? If so, dial it back and just send a general holiday greeting. The pandemic has been hard on everyone. If your newsletter doesn’t make you happy or hopeful, don’t feel obligated to write one this year. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help or to offer help but do it individually. Skype, Zoom, Video chat with the people who matter.